Oh goodness. I am bad at blogging! The few people that actually read this. I apologize. The thought to get on and write has been on my mind often, but it has fallen short to the ever growing list of things to do.
Lately I have been convicted of 2 things:
1. Doing things half way.
2. Not being content.
Bare with me on this...we have a kids book called Halfway Herbert by Francis Chan. It is a book geared towards kids but has slapped me in the face each time I read it. It simply talks about doing things halfway in life (ex. brushing teeth, combing hair, finishing half your work, listening to half of instructions, etc.). Anyhow, the point of the book is to allow us to realize that this is a huge problem and tends to creep in and spread into a lot of areas of our lives.
It has always been an issue for me, but I am finding that it is even more of an issue for me these days. I am not doing things fully. I am surely not doing things with ALL my heart because I am spreading it out to several things many of which are not important. I want to do things the Lord has for more with all my heart and not half way.
We say to Eli a lot....delayed obedience is disobedience. Well, that same truth applies to us in our walks with Christ. We can't obey Him half way. We can't pick and choose what we listen to. We can't hold on to certain scriptures and ignore the parts we don't feel apply to us in 2011. God wants our entire lives not just pieces. That is where I am right now. This heart wants so much more Jesus. I want to be all in for the one who has called me to Himself.
So, I am asking you...what does this look like for you? Let's talk..Let's encourage..I want to hear!
Not being content......more to come on this later!
Love you all!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
New Week
Wow...I have wanted to sit down to write a great deal...I told Chris I had so much going on in my head that needed a place to land...well this is where a lot of those things land....good or bad...it is a very good outlet!
Anyhow, I have decided a few things....I watch way too much tv on a given day. It is not on much during the day but often at night I can sit for a couple hours and waste my life becoming wrapped up in things that don't matter and have no eternal significance. I am not at all saying that these things are wrong...I am just saying I struggle. Granted, I have been on some crazy medication that has limited my eye sight, but slowly it is coming back and therefore I will have no excuse whatsoever.
I have struggled with the issue of "mystical" answers that people blanket (me included)...some are true...but the source of that truth is unclear.
For example...many say "He won't give me more than I can handle"...I argue, yes He will...but, He isn't going to allow us to walk through something He can't handle. We don't have the ability to handle most things....we try...but in the end we fail. Instead of giving people the Biblical reason for something we give them a "mystical" one that sounds good...but is not fully grounded in the Word. This is why knowing scripture is so important. I want to have it so ingrained in me that it just overflows into my speech..I want to not have to go....Oh, I know that scripture is around here somewhere....I want to know it, love it, live it.
So, this week....the ones praying for me...pray that my eye sight will be fully restored and that this heart and mind will store scripture well....I have to pray for this, b/c I feel like I have the worst short term memory! I believe prayer works...I believe that knowing Jesus starts with knowing His word. I want to know it deeper....I want to live it...
I will probably elaborate on this latter...
Have a beautiful week!
Anyhow, I have decided a few things....I watch way too much tv on a given day. It is not on much during the day but often at night I can sit for a couple hours and waste my life becoming wrapped up in things that don't matter and have no eternal significance. I am not at all saying that these things are wrong...I am just saying I struggle. Granted, I have been on some crazy medication that has limited my eye sight, but slowly it is coming back and therefore I will have no excuse whatsoever.
I have struggled with the issue of "mystical" answers that people blanket (me included)...some are true...but the source of that truth is unclear.
For example...many say "He won't give me more than I can handle"...I argue, yes He will...but, He isn't going to allow us to walk through something He can't handle. We don't have the ability to handle most things....we try...but in the end we fail. Instead of giving people the Biblical reason for something we give them a "mystical" one that sounds good...but is not fully grounded in the Word. This is why knowing scripture is so important. I want to have it so ingrained in me that it just overflows into my speech..I want to not have to go....Oh, I know that scripture is around here somewhere....I want to know it, love it, live it.
So, this week....the ones praying for me...pray that my eye sight will be fully restored and that this heart and mind will store scripture well....I have to pray for this, b/c I feel like I have the worst short term memory! I believe prayer works...I believe that knowing Jesus starts with knowing His word. I want to know it deeper....I want to live it...
I will probably elaborate on this latter...
Have a beautiful week!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
This week....Mother's Day
So...I have had so much to get out of my head and onto this blog..but I will start with the most evident as we approach Mother's Day this year. Last year at this time we were walking through some of the darkest and hard times of our lives. Two days before Mother's Day I had to have a D&C to remove our little one who's heart was no longer beating. To say Mother's Day was hard last year is an understatement. To be honest this year has been such a year of searching and finding where my heart really was and not just my emotions. So, I have slowly been approaching this time with a healthy "big boy" and a beautiful family trying not to go back to that time. However, the truth is it is still very much a part of our lives. I long to be able to see him or her in heaven.
I am grateful for how much grace the Lord has given me through this process. When I finally had enough courage to just sit at His feet....He was the God of comfort like He had never been before. He has been able to use this awful process to bring perspective to how precious life is. It has opened doors to many who have walked through this road too. He has not and will not leave us to walk through it alone. For this I am most grateful for. Of course the why question was asked multiple times. I can not answer this question for certain, but I can tell you that He has used it mightily in our lives. Would I take it back...yes...I would never wish those moments on anyone, but am thankful that this day we know He uses all things for His glory and His purpose.
I am thankful for my mother this day...and I am grateful to be one to our precious blessing. I have failed miserably at the role but again am thankful for His grace that is new each morning and covers a multitude of mistakes. Though this heart still grieves...it does so with purpose now...with perspective...with hope.
On a side note...anyone who knows me well knows I adore Christy Knockels. When she was with Watermark, she and her husband had written this song....and I tried to attach it...but can't figure it out...I will leave you with the lyrics this day....thank you family and friends for all the support, encouragement, and love you have poured out on us this year. You will never know how much that has meant.
Glory baby, you slipped away
As fast as we could say baby, baby
You were growing, what happened dear
You disappeared on us baby, baby
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe
Until we're home with you
Until we're home with you
We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do
Before we do
Sweet little baby, it's hard to understand it
'Cause we are hurting, we are hurting
But there is healing, and we know we're stronger people
Through the growing, and in knowing
All things work together for our good
And God works his purposes
Just like he said he would
Just like he said he would
We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do
I can't imagine heaven's lullabies
And what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing
Heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know
All you'll ever know
We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do
Yeah, you'll just have heaven before we do
Before we do
I am grateful for how much grace the Lord has given me through this process. When I finally had enough courage to just sit at His feet....He was the God of comfort like He had never been before. He has been able to use this awful process to bring perspective to how precious life is. It has opened doors to many who have walked through this road too. He has not and will not leave us to walk through it alone. For this I am most grateful for. Of course the why question was asked multiple times. I can not answer this question for certain, but I can tell you that He has used it mightily in our lives. Would I take it back...yes...I would never wish those moments on anyone, but am thankful that this day we know He uses all things for His glory and His purpose.
I am thankful for my mother this day...and I am grateful to be one to our precious blessing. I have failed miserably at the role but again am thankful for His grace that is new each morning and covers a multitude of mistakes. Though this heart still grieves...it does so with purpose now...with perspective...with hope.
On a side note...anyone who knows me well knows I adore Christy Knockels. When she was with Watermark, she and her husband had written this song....and I tried to attach it...but can't figure it out...I will leave you with the lyrics this day....thank you family and friends for all the support, encouragement, and love you have poured out on us this year. You will never know how much that has meant.
Glory baby, you slipped away
As fast as we could say baby, baby
You were growing, what happened dear
You disappeared on us baby, baby
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe
Until we're home with you
Until we're home with you
We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do
Before we do
Sweet little baby, it's hard to understand it
'Cause we are hurting, we are hurting
But there is healing, and we know we're stronger people
Through the growing, and in knowing
All things work together for our good
And God works his purposes
Just like he said he would
Just like he said he would
We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do
I can't imagine heaven's lullabies
And what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing
Heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know
All you'll ever know
We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do
Yeah, you'll just have heaven before we do
Before we do
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
What will God take away?
Today Eli was singing a song around the house and after he was done he said "God will never take anything away from us". I paused and thought through how to respond...you all could have probably explained this much better. From experience though, God has surely taken things away from me. He has taken relationships, friendships, possessions, etc. At the end of the day though I know He has done it for His glory and for reasons beyond my comprehension at times. However, I am confident that He works all things out for His glory.
At the time of going through loosing something/someone emotions overwhelm my soul. I am confident though that He has used each one of these times to show Himself in all His perfection. I am grateful that He did not give up on this life long ago and I am thankful that He took many things away. Somethings I am still working on....but, I do not have to fully understand. I am okay with this. I am not God, nor would I ever want to be. So often with my actions, I try. Thankfully, I fail without question each and every time.
Anyhow, I know this post is random but it is what I have been processing today since Eli brought this question to my attention....would love to here your answers...
Thank you for praying for me. Believe me it is working!!
At the time of going through loosing something/someone emotions overwhelm my soul. I am confident though that He has used each one of these times to show Himself in all His perfection. I am grateful that He did not give up on this life long ago and I am thankful that He took many things away. Somethings I am still working on....but, I do not have to fully understand. I am okay with this. I am not God, nor would I ever want to be. So often with my actions, I try. Thankfully, I fail without question each and every time.
Anyhow, I know this post is random but it is what I have been processing today since Eli brought this question to my attention....would love to here your answers...
Thank you for praying for me. Believe me it is working!!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Distraction
Oh...how I dislike this word! I dislike being distracted more than almost anything....sad thing is I am distracted nearly every day, especially when I have not been in the Word and praying through everything that might be ahead. It frustrates me to no end to know how much time I waste in a given day on things that do not matter or are not plausible. I have had many conversations with the Lord on this issue, because I believe it is truly the thorn in my side. He designed my mind and my emotions which is why I can not second guess Him...
At the end of the day people matter to me. Conversations matter to me. Does this overshadow the purposes of the Lord? In this life yes...at times...I am about what is around me instead of what IS. I am not constantly thinking this person I have just met might not know Jesus...instead I am thinking about the unfinished conversation with someone else or the fact that things look different than I envisioned them to look at this point in my life.
I believe the Lord works all things out for His glory....and that is why I am asking you all for prayer....that my mind would be focused on the things that matter...the things of Him...and not things that I can not change. I want to live a life that matters for the One who created me....free of distractions...but I know the Lord allows that...my prayer is that I'll recognize when Satan takes control of this area and diverts my attention and allegiance off the One who does matter. Thank you for praying.
At least you now know why these posts are so random. My mind does not stop. Thank you for baring with me!
At the end of the day people matter to me. Conversations matter to me. Does this overshadow the purposes of the Lord? In this life yes...at times...I am about what is around me instead of what IS. I am not constantly thinking this person I have just met might not know Jesus...instead I am thinking about the unfinished conversation with someone else or the fact that things look different than I envisioned them to look at this point in my life.
I believe the Lord works all things out for His glory....and that is why I am asking you all for prayer....that my mind would be focused on the things that matter...the things of Him...and not things that I can not change. I want to live a life that matters for the One who created me....free of distractions...but I know the Lord allows that...my prayer is that I'll recognize when Satan takes control of this area and diverts my attention and allegiance off the One who does matter. Thank you for praying.
At least you now know why these posts are so random. My mind does not stop. Thank you for baring with me!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
David Platt... Jesus is...
So...it has been way too long. We have had a few crazy months....and finding balance has been difficult at times. Eli has finally recovered from getting his tonsils out...and although his voice has changed....we are grateful that we have doctors that can do such things when needed. It is not a fun experience to watch your little boy be wheeled off to surgery or handed back to you shaking and crying....but it reminded me of how God takes care of our every need and holds onto us when we don't know what has happened. Grace....I can't imagine life without it. I can't imagine this life without the cross. It would make no sense.
I constantly remind myself that all the stuff we try to accomplish really means nothing next to knowing Jesus...what I forget is how often we make Him so small...by trying to do things our own way and asking for advice from others rather than sitting at the feet of the One who has given us breath.
It doesn't make sense that He would have cared enough about me to go through what He did on the Cross....especially because I don't live in total desperation of Him. I am grateful though that He uses the flawed....that He calls us to Himself and that it has nothing to do with anything I have done. I am so thankful this day for His grace...Oh, what a beautiful name....Jesus....
I came across this video that reminded me of His truth. He does not need me. I desperately need Him.
I hope you have all had a beautiful Easter celebrating the One who gave it all!
I constantly remind myself that all the stuff we try to accomplish really means nothing next to knowing Jesus...what I forget is how often we make Him so small...by trying to do things our own way and asking for advice from others rather than sitting at the feet of the One who has given us breath.
It doesn't make sense that He would have cared enough about me to go through what He did on the Cross....especially because I don't live in total desperation of Him. I am grateful though that He uses the flawed....that He calls us to Himself and that it has nothing to do with anything I have done. I am so thankful this day for His grace...Oh, what a beautiful name....Jesus....
I came across this video that reminded me of His truth. He does not need me. I desperately need Him.
I hope you have all had a beautiful Easter celebrating the One who gave it all!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Pictures
Working on some more pictures and video. Hopefully we can figure this out! Have a great day!! Time to go outside!!
Magic Kingdom
This morning Eli is singing "It's a small world after all"....Anyhow, we were able to get away for a few days to Orlando Florida. I had not been there in well over ten years and so much has changed. We were blessed to just have a little time to not do that much. The men of the family had strep so we decided to lay low for a day before going to Magic Kingdom. Oh, how fun it was to see Eli ride his first rides. He rode "big boy" rides as well....and loved them. It was funny to watch him ride the first few that were on the slow side....his eyes were literally bigger than I had ever seen them as he took in everything and was prepared for "anything". He would get off of each and every ride and do a jump skip with a huge smile on his face ready for the next ride. I wish I could have gotten this reaction on camera, because every time we asked him to smile...he did his "fake smile" which actually looks painful..ha! Anyhow, we saw a few shows, which he seemed to like (I think more b/c we got to sit down than anything else), but when we entered the "Hall of Presidents" he was elated. I do not say this lightly. He was shouting the different presidents he saw on the wall. If you don't know this already....Eli loves the presidents, especially Ronald Reagan because he "smiles all the time". Though the first few minutes of the show was a little hard for him to sit still when the curtains opened and he saw all the wax statues of the presidents he sat still looking in amazement looking for Ronald Reagan and then watching each one be named and lit up. It was cute.
It was crowded but a special day for the Keith family. We needed a day out to just do something new and remember what it was like to be a kid. It was so fun for us to see Eli experience new things and want to try new things. It reminded us the innocence of a child. It also reminded us that we have been blessed with a really good kid. He was such a trooper because there was a lot of walking and rarely did he complain. He is a true blessing and we need to be reminded of that every now and then so we don't take him for granted. We are blessed to be his parents. God has blessed us in more ways than we can count, and sometimes we need to just step back and see the greater picture. Days like these help remind us this.
We will share pictures hopefully later today.
It was crowded but a special day for the Keith family. We needed a day out to just do something new and remember what it was like to be a kid. It was so fun for us to see Eli experience new things and want to try new things. It reminded us the innocence of a child. It also reminded us that we have been blessed with a really good kid. He was such a trooper because there was a lot of walking and rarely did he complain. He is a true blessing and we need to be reminded of that every now and then so we don't take him for granted. We are blessed to be his parents. God has blessed us in more ways than we can count, and sometimes we need to just step back and see the greater picture. Days like these help remind us this.
We will share pictures hopefully later today.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Today
Oh...it has been a good week for us. Feeling as if I need to pray more and speak less right now. Looking forward to praying a great deal more in this new year and anticipate what the Lord has in store. We will update in the days ahead what is going on in our hearts, but like I said right now I am praying that my voice will first be used to communicate with the One who breathed life into us and then the overflow of this will been seen and heard in a much clearer fashion. Thank you for praying for us.
Eli is growing up so fast...we are grateful for his health. We are in awe of how his mind works. He was so excited last week to run in his first Polar Bear run...one lap around a track. Wish I could describe to you his excitement leading up to this event. He was precious and his recount is a little different than how the events went down, but he did complete the race and wears his Polar Bear shirt with such joy and pride. It was just a reminder of how life doesn't always happen the way we might have envisioned, but that as long as we keep going the Lord is going to allow us to complete this race...and He is our prize.
Thank you for all your sweet encouragement and prayers. We are grateful for our friends and family more than we can express.
Eli is growing up so fast...we are grateful for his health. We are in awe of how his mind works. He was so excited last week to run in his first Polar Bear run...one lap around a track. Wish I could describe to you his excitement leading up to this event. He was precious and his recount is a little different than how the events went down, but he did complete the race and wears his Polar Bear shirt with such joy and pride. It was just a reminder of how life doesn't always happen the way we might have envisioned, but that as long as we keep going the Lord is going to allow us to complete this race...and He is our prize.
Thank you for all your sweet encouragement and prayers. We are grateful for our friends and family more than we can express.
Friday, January 14, 2011
New Beginnings
Well thought since its a new year we could update the look of the blog. This might inspire more frequent postings. I do have a new passion for it as of today. I hope that it can be as transparent as possible as this year unfolds. Please feel free to comment this year as that will only encourage this process! Surely excited about the year ahead....
Thursday, January 13, 2011
New Year
Well....I lied again....I need forgiveness from the few people that read this. It has been a roller coaster of a year and for our lives a new beginning of sorts. We are grateful for a new year and for what feels like a new start with a lot of things. Chris and I are looking forward to what adventures might transpire in 2011 and are grateful for your prayer as we move forward from a pretty emotional 2010. Our hearts still hurt and I still have rough days. My heart is healing...our families heart is healing. We do thank you for every prayer, hug, action.....we can't tell you what it has meant to us to have people praying and loving us through 2010. We are forever changed by your love and selflessness.
We look at Eli and are completely amazed at the little man he is becoming. Some days he looks like he is literally twelve while other days we are just grateful for the time we have with him at this age. It's such a fun age because his mind literally only rests when he is asleep. He is always talking about something it seems. We are more aware each day of how many little things he just picks up. He really is a sponge right now and again we are grateful.
Right now Chris and I are praying about a great deal of things and we look forward to sharing it all with you soon. We know the Lord has great plans for our family and we are trusting that He will reveal them to us in His time. We are learning a great deal about trust and faith. We look forward to learning even more in the days ahead.
Thank you for being patient with me this year. I pray that this blog will be filled with words this new year....but not empty ones....honest words that are from lessons learned from the One who is allowing us to take this journey....pray that our steps will be His in this new year.
We look at Eli and are completely amazed at the little man he is becoming. Some days he looks like he is literally twelve while other days we are just grateful for the time we have with him at this age. It's such a fun age because his mind literally only rests when he is asleep. He is always talking about something it seems. We are more aware each day of how many little things he just picks up. He really is a sponge right now and again we are grateful.
Right now Chris and I are praying about a great deal of things and we look forward to sharing it all with you soon. We know the Lord has great plans for our family and we are trusting that He will reveal them to us in His time. We are learning a great deal about trust and faith. We look forward to learning even more in the days ahead.
Thank you for being patient with me this year. I pray that this blog will be filled with words this new year....but not empty ones....honest words that are from lessons learned from the One who is allowing us to take this journey....pray that our steps will be His in this new year.
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