Officially the worst blogger ever

I have to say that I must be the world's worst blogger. There, I said it. I really set this up as a means for me to "exhale" and document what is happening in and around our family. I have been lazy, nervous, and vulnerable when I think about sitting down to write. The emotions and excuses are different depending on the day. However, I do need to make some type of goal as to coming and just writing a little bit.
Anyhow, since the last update a great deal has happened. I feel like I have been on some unbelievable life journeys over the past few months. The Lord has been teaching us a great deal and challenging our hearts in rich ways. Two weekends ago we were able to visit family in South Carolina. My dear Aunt Nan who has been heroically battling stage four cancer for nearly a year and a half has started to fight the battle in much more pain and discomfort. We were able to go there and spend the weekend with my family. Chris did an unbelievable job watching Eli while I got to have some quality time with My Aunt, Uncle, and cousin. The conversations we had were conversations I wish we could have recorded, simply because of the richness of them. Hard questions were asked and our hearts were confused, and as I watched my Aunt sit up in her chair I was reminded of how precious and fragile life is. I was reminded of how often I take life for granted. I was reminded that there is such little time we have on this earth and that there is nothing more important that living, breathing, and serving Jesus while we are here. I could continue on about the lessons I learned but want to document the humility and beauty that is my Aunt Nan. I have watched her live and more than that I have watched her give her life away in more ways than I could count. She was always doing things or taking care of things for those around her. I never heard her complain about that one time. She has forgiven people when it is hard for me to see how. She has loved and been there for her son, Ryan, like no other. She is his biggest fan. She and Uncle Randy celebrated 25 years of marriage in August and their love has continued to grow as I have watched her battle this disease. She loves those two men like crazy. For the sake of this not continuing for ten pages I will try to wrap it up.....Aunt Nan is a woman who loves Jesus and it is evident in how she lives. You meet few people that this is the case for.
We are praying that above all else that Jesus Christ be seen in and through this battle and her story. Oh, how we love you.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11
9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Upon returning home Eli got sick upon waking up on Tuesday. He was limping and had a high fever out of nowhere. He had a doctor's visit and blood work in order to rule out some things and ended up diagnosing him with toxic synovitis which goes away without medication. We praise the Lord for His grace and strength in this trial. The Lord gave us a peace about it, but it was still hard to watch his body so tired and hurt. The testing broke my heart of course, but we were even more grateful for the ability to take him to a doctor and allow him to figure out what was going on. God is so good, and so near to the brokenhearted.
Despite all of that, Chris and I, were able to go to Las Vegas....which we wonder if we will choose that location again.....anyhow, what matters is that we had time to ourselves. Our parents were grateful enough to watch him while we did this and it was truly a gift. Though I did call back to check on things a lot we did have the ability to focus on each other, which was really nice. We truly considered this trip a gift. We were able to rest...which is hard to do at home a lot. Needless to say we were reminded again of the precious family we have and the beauty of marriage.
We are back home and enjoying that right now. Hopefully, we will bare down for some family time this weekend as it continues to rain. I am looking forward to that.
I leave with these rooted promises from the Lord. I pray that the encourage your heart this day...they have for me....
Psalm 34:17-19
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;

updating

Updating...but truthfully, few will want to read the words that might flow from these fingers simply because it has been a long few weeks in processing a great deal of things.....a great deal of my heart searching has stemmed from the book Crazy Love, which I have mentioned a few times before. Let's just say that if you have not read this book I beg you to get a copy and read it....slow. I would not recommend flying through it simply because it is so full of scripture and issues that are meant to be addressed in the right ways...in biblical ways.
The journey over the past month has not been an easy one as I have realize the ugliness of myself and the things I spend my time thinking about or doing. As I have continued the quest of simply reading the gospels for themselves I am continually blown away by the reality that Jesus demanded all or nothing from His followers. If you wanted to follow Him, you had to put everything you had on the line or walk away. As I've struggled with for years...."American Christianity" has become an accepted nearly easy way to live life. It requires very little sacrifice, especially if you live in the south. However, the question has to be raised by every so called "christian"....is Chris everything we are about. As I've read this book and searched my heart I am convicted of the changes I need to make in regards to a life completely about Jesus. There is really no excuse for how I have made Him part of my life and not my everything. It breaks my heart that there are people that have "prayed THE prayer" and yet nothing changes. I don't think there was anyone I have read about that did pray a prayer and were changed throughout the gospels.....Jesus wanted true heart and life change in response to becoming His follower. He sought true repentance of the soul and nothing less. He did not say it was okay to give Him a few things and we remained in control of the rest.....He said all or nothing....it's almost as He is saying I don't want, need, or deserve your leftovers. I am the One true God who has the ability to give you all the love and acceptance you will ever need in this life or you can continue to figure things out your own way and continue doing life half heartily.
I so want the time I have on this earth to count for His glory....I long to wake up and go to bed saying with all sincerity that He is all I need, my Rock, and my only Salvation. I want to give Him all of me and as I continue to understand areas where I have failed miserably I am reminded of the grace He has given me on this journey. I could go on for a year on this subject...but it all boils down to I want Jesus more today than I ever have before. I need Him like never before. I have tasted His goodness and I want more. I have seen that He is good and He is worth every trial and struggle of this life.
I was reading Chapter seven of this book this afternoon and today's quote for me was this....." Something is wrong when our lives make sense to unbelievers." I don't want to make sense to this world....I want to manifest His love back to Him and to this world. We are called to be free to live in Him and free to serve through that love.....
I leave this post with the great words found in Galations 5:13-14
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve on another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: " Love your neighbor as yourself."